Forgiveness

I faced the one who birthed me. The stranger who claimed to be my blood. All I could see was the resemblance and nothing more. A resemblance lacking in the delivery of its total package. I longed for this stranger during the phase of my life but I found him not. It was a big vacuum that explained the lack of connection between us. The stranger who faced me was my father. Memories from the past……….

“You have brought me nothing but bad luck. Since I married you, it has been one problem to another. No job, No money! You have been the only one prospering. Tunrayo, untie me and let me go” my father roared.

I saw my mother shed tears trying to plead with my father. She held him by his trouser, knelt on the floor and pleaded with him to be patient. My father wasn’t ready to listen to her. He kept reminding her of his woes since they got married, narrating the tales of sadness and one would imagine if my mother had the magical power to undo the unpleasant state of bitterness.

“If you love me Tunrayo, then you will do all that I say.

“What please?”, my mother says eagerly

“Quit your job and stay home with me. A woman’s place is in the comfort of her husband’s place. Whatever I have should be okay with you. “

“But this is where I get the money to feed myself, the children and even you.”

“You see what I am saying? I haven’t even finished and all that I have been saying is what you are doing now. You are proud to say that you are the one feeding this family? You are a shameless woman Tunrayo”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” She slowly said “I meant if I quit the job, how are we going to survive?”

“That is none of your business. Tunrayo stop questioning me. Stop questioning me you ill luck of a woman! You should not even be arguing with me. A man is the head of the home and whatever he says should be adhered to. Period!”

“Kick”, Tobi , my younger brother said loudly. He knew what my father would do anytime he was about to take his exit after a long  heated argument with my mother.

Just as expected, my father kicked my mother and she fell. My younger brother ran after him and hit him on his leg with his small hands. “Leave mummy alone”

As if charged by the devil, he kicked the 5years old and he hit his head on the ground. My little brother was in a pool of his own blood. My mother hurriedly stood up, ran to where the little boy laid, picked him up and rushed out pleading for our neighbours’ help.

I stayed looking at my father with tears in my eyes. I stayed looking at the man whom I got most of my resemblance from and wished I could change him.

“Get me my purse” he shouted

I jolted from my thoughts and quickly dashed to his room to pick up his purse.

“Here father”

“I am not your father! You bastard!” he stormed out.

He left and I was all alone in the room. I remembered my Sunday school teacher’s word that whatsoever we ask in God’s name, that he will do. I said a silent prayer for my little brother.

“Oh Lord, Let my little brother be safe. Keep him safe for us and please change my father”

I have grown so tired of the latter as my father grew worse by the day.

SCENE TWO

God heard my prayers and spared the life of my little brother. God knew how much of a companion he was, and he healed him for us.

For peace and love to reign in our home, my mother obeyed my father.  She stopped working.

But not quite long, things became so tight.

She fed and paid our school fess from her savings till she was gradually running out of cash.

My father contributed nothing to our upkeep yet gladly eating from whatever my other prepared with her money.

Days when my mother summoned courage to face him never ended well as it was constant beating and reminder of the bad luck my mother brought to him.

And one day, we never saw our father again. He left home and never came back. My mother reported to the police with the hope that nothing evil had happened to him.

Two months later, we got to know that my father had gone ahead to marry a new wife and had an elaborate wedding with the person. That night, my mother cried her eyes out.

“Your father left me. What did I do to Charles? Why will Charles treat me this way? How will I live? How will I feed the two of you? Where will I start from? My life is finished. I didn’t pray for this.” She cried uncontrollably.

“Mummy stop crying. Don’t worry I will build you a house” my little brother said quietly

My mother kept shedding tears.

“Mummy don’t cry. I will buy you a car”, my little brother reassured her. I remained speechless wishing I had all the right words to say to my mother.

Tobi wiped her tears with his small hands. “Mummy I love you. Please smile for me”

My mother kept shedding tears while lamenting the bigger responsibilities that lies ahead of her as if she had not been the one handling it all the while.

Tobi went out and came back with biscuits and handed it to my mother.

“Mummy, eat”

My mother took the biscuits from his hand, stretched her arms and Tobi hugged her.

“Mummy I will buy you a car and a house when I grow up.”

It was if the words had effect on my mother because she wiped her tears and stared at Tobi. Just then I moved closer and hugged her too.  I was happy that she had decided to stop crying. She was all we had and I wished that I had the right words to comfort her.

My mother braced up with the determination to face life headlong.

We didn’t lack no food as my mother would come home with a polythene bag filled with food for us and we would all be happy.

It took us quite long time before we knew the kind of job my mother was doing. That happened when my mother decided to us take with her because neighbours would always send us on an errand (To buy food, dispose their waste, fetch them water amongst several others) anytime she was not around.

The fateful day my mother took us out with her was very stressful as we kept walking the streets of Lagos Island till we spotted a party.

My mother approached a well-dressed lady who seemed to be the event planner or caterer and pleaded with the event planner to allow her assist with the washing of used plates. The event planner was reluctant because she had enough hands to help her with that yet my mother kept persisting. Just then, Tobi moved towards her and held her hands; “Help my mummy please”.

She looked at my little brother and was moved by his words and cute smile and she instantly agreed to allow my mother wash the plates. My mother was so happy that she carried Tobi and hugged him and work started.

 I went around, picking plates and handing it over to my mom who was at a corner washing them.

Remnants of food that were still okay and decent were poured in a polythene bag. These, we packed home for dinner. After the event which ended at 10:00pm, my mother thanked the event planner for the opportunity and she paid us 2,000naira.

The event planner promised to put a call through to my mom just in case any other job comes up as she was greatly impressed with her work. We thanked her and left.

My mother kept on with this job, all thanked to the event planner. She combined it by working on new house sites as a labourer where was being paid 2,000 naira daily.  From this, she managed to buy us school uniforms, shoes and put food on our table.

We were living happily, and things were going smoothly.

My mother was all we had, and she ensured that we never lacked anything. She would always pray that I marry a man who will love me wholeheartedly. Despite all my father did, she never for once spoke ill of him in our presence.

She would come home and even helped us with our homework as best as she could or ask a neighbour who was a teacher to help us with it.

She would always load us with the right values during morning devotion and we never deviated from it. We were all happy until life struck…….We lost Tobi!

“God! Why? Why don’t you take me instead? Why my child? Why Tobi? Just why?” My mother wept uncontrollably. I stood crying with no right words to comfort her. The incidence took a toll on my mother, she lost her sane mind.

My mother lost interest in life, she lost interest in everything. She would stare into empty spaces for hours and would never listen to me.

At the age of 16, Life took its toll on me. I didn’t have enough time to mourn my little brother. I sought for the help of my neighbours to help take care of my mother who had developed mental issues. I was naïve and had no idea of what to do.

My mother was admitted into a psychiatric hospital and I had to drop out of school, took up menial job to fend for myself and also to pay my mother’s hospital bills. Neighbours approached my father and he turned deaf ears. He didn’t want anything to do with us again as my mother was still bad luck.

When I couldn’t pay for the hospital bills, I took my mother home. After seven months, her condition was intense and that was when the landlord threw our belongings outside as we were unable to pay our house rent.

So we shook shelter in an uncompleted building. Despite this, I resolved to be strong not for anybody but for my mother.

My mother was gradually recovering or, so I thought. I would share bedtime stories with her and even sing for her prayerfully hoping that all would be alright with her.

All turned out not be alright as I came back from work and met her lifeless body.

My hope was gone. I wept uncontrollably, beckoning for help from people. That was the one of the saddest days of my life. “How do I survive?” were questions running through my mind.

“Has God forgotten me?”

“Why must this happen to me?”

I felt as if the world was about to come to an end.

But I kept moving despite it all. I kept forging ahead even when I thought I could not. I kept making progress even when I thought that all hope was lost. Despite the difficulties and challenges, I struggled through life to be something yet I suffered low self-esteem in my relationships as I see myself as one being uncapable of being loved. Who would want to be a lady who is all left all in this wicked world?  A lady from a broken home? One whose father left and wanted nothing to do with her. I was incapable of loving. I felt I wasn’t enough.

I remembered Kunle so well, he tricked me into believing that he loved me and yet exhorting me. Kunle would make threats of leaving me and I would beg for him to stay. I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to be there for me.

He would me give tales of his debts and I would strive to help him with it even when I make little from my place of work. Kunle collected and collected from me and I did this hoping that he would love me and see how much of a unique lady I am from other ladies and stay with me.

The last I heard from Kunle was when he borrowed a hundred thousand naira from me and left without paying back. I shed tears and hated myself. I strived to get the money back but all to no avail. I hid the grudges and pain in my heart and moved on vowing never to forgive him while cursing him silently each time I remembered him.

Then I jumped over to Ade, freely giving myself to him hoping that he would love me. I would watch and read about sex in the bid to satisfy him. I wanted to be loved so badly. I aborted thrice for him and yet he still left me for my friend and they both got married. I was shattered. It was as if I was left alone in this world to suffer. I was torn and distraught.

I was in a world where the two most important people in my life had gone and my father wanted nothing to do with me.

I tried at several times to end my life. Of what use is a life that has no value? Of what use is a life with so much negativities and sufferings?

My pains I hid away from the world as I always have the cutest smile for everyone. I looked at people my age and envied how lucky they were yet still carrying my pain around with me till I met with Tunde who introduced me to Jesus Christ who helped heal the pain.  The pain of loneliness, the pain of being used and dumped, the pain of hatred and bitterness.

I was broken…. a moment of new beginning beckoned. Oh what a relief!

A year after, Tunde asked me out. I prayed about it with a confirmation. We fixed our wedding date and on the day of the wedding, my father showed up.

Back to present

His words “Funke, please forgive me”

There stood a stranger, My father looking all tattered pleading for my forgiveness. How am I suppose to forgive him? Just how?

I broke into tears. “God how am I supposed to forgive this man? Just how?”.

“Just why will my father show up on my most important day?”

It was tough and hard. I stared long at my father.

We both were full of tears. I didn’t know what came over me as I ran over to hug him. My father hugged me deeply. He may not be the best of all fathers but I needed the forgiveness to heal. We needed to both heal and if Christ could forgive me and made me new and restore the happiness back to me. So why should I not forgive my father?

Glory to Jesus Christ who helped fixed my life. Glory to Him who stood by me and never allowed me to give up. The road may seem rough but a beautiful future lies ahead. I made amends with my father.

His words to me back then does not define me but because I am who God says I am. A royal Priesthood, a holy nation, and a light set upon the hill that can never be hidden.

I urge you to let go of all bitterness and embrace the peace in Christ Jesus.