Heart Unbroken

 

“I will always love and cherish you forever.” He said expressing his love for me.

“So what else am I looking for when I have you? Your type is rare and it is of no use waiting for so long to settle down with you.” He stared deeply into my eyes.

I looked him in the eyes, lost at the words and sincerity in his eyes. I had finally found him, the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh. My stomach rumbled in excitement.

“I love you.” I finally muttered. It felt so real. I have never been so sure than now.

“Yes, this is it” I screamed within. God had finally wiped all the pains of bad relationships and finally I got the one.

A loud knock at the door jolted me out of my thoughts, I wiped my tears and quickly made for the door.

“Sorry o, Tolu. I know it’s early in the morning but NEPA came yesterday when you don go work. They scatter ground no be small. So, we don dey collect NEPA bills now, because if we wait till the end of the month, dem fit just cut our wire.” She explained.

“You dey cry.” She finally looked at me as she has been so engrossed in her explanation of the PHCN issues.

I really tried to stop the tears but it kept flowing. I immediately closed the door and rested my back on it to avoid further probing from my landlady. I lifted the gown I was wearing to wipe the tears while I reached for my purse to count three thousand naira being the cost for the PHCN bill.

I opened the door afterwards and my landlady stood staring at me, “Tolu, are you okay? Person die for your family?” she asked.

“No. I am okay. Just thinking of my late mum.” I said.

“Eyah! No cry, you hear?. Na God be the solid parent for people wey no get mama. I dey here for you. Pele.” She hugged and wiped my tears with her wrapper.

“No cry you hear. Me wey dey here,I don lost my mama e tey. Na when I dey primary school, she die. See me now, I have children and even grandchildren. God will make you a pillar.” She said and I nodded in the affirmative.

“Thank you, Ma.”

“Go and eat, and watch movies or go out. Abi you go con play with me?” she asked.

“I will be fine ma. Thank you.” I handed the money over to her and she took her leave.

I closed the door, and my eyes suddenly went to the clock in the room. Almost one o’clock! I eased myself from my clothes and quickly dashed to the bathroom.

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“We can’t be anymore, it is best that we go our separate ways.” I shivered.

“We cannot what? Are you joking?” I asked.

“I just cannot do this anymore. I do not want to hurt you but it will be best we go our separate ways.’

I became so cold and began sweating profusely. I could not fathom what was happening. I reached for the can of milk and quickly made myself a tea.

I felt the few minutes used in making the tea would change the situation and fade away the horrible dream. For it was still a dream to me.

“I do not understand. Please tell me this is a joke. We saw each other yesterday and all was well. Is this Jide? Can someone please hand over the phone to him?” I resumed the chat.

“Move on.” He simply replied.

“What?’” I couldn’t bear it, so I picked up my phone to call.

After several rings, he finally picked up.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Fine.” He said coldly.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I am."

“I do not understand what you were saying on chats. You want us to break up?”

“Yes” he answered coldly.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Just move on.” He said and ended the call. I kept dialing and the call was busied. I started chatting and there was no response. I called again and received a text message.

“Stop disturbing me.” A text from Jide.

My heart wrenched in pain, I kept staring at the phone. It felt like I was in a dream. I was so pained, confused and numb all at the same time. I sent several voice notes, no response.

“What is wrong with Jide?”

I silently prayed that the past wasn’t repeating itself. This is “my right” relationship.

I kept staring, I didn’t know who could help me out of my situation.

“God!” I screamed out loudly.  “Not again! Not again!” The pain was too much to bear. I grabbed the bedsheet, hitting myself.

“What is happening to me, God!” I kept shouting.

It was too much; it was heart-wrenching.

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The phone rang and I jolted out of my thoughts.

“Where are you?” Sandra my colleague asked.

“I am at home. I will soon be on my way.” I answered.

“This is 1:20pm Tolu. The event is for 2pm. How do you plan to get here?’

“I am sorry. I will be on my out now.” I answered, dressed up and rushed out.

I met my landlady at the gate.

“Hope you are better now?” she asked.

“Yes Ma. Thank you.” I said.

“Take care of yourself o.” she said.

I stopped a bike in order to make it for the event on time. We were two who have been officially assigned to represent the company at a client’s book launch event that was scheduled for 2pm. Sandra and I had agreed to attend the book launch event for just two hours. Being out of time would only keep us waiting an extra time which we didn’t plan for.

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I eagerly looked at my phone everyday, hoping that my phone would ring and it would be from him. The rush to get my phone at every call and the disappointment that follow suit when the call wasn’t from him was heart-breaking.

I silently prayed that he would show up either at my important events or at my residence. Days passed, weeks passed and I heard nothing.  My heart even when it tries to convince itself that it has to let go, still warmed to the thought of him. The thoughts so powerful and overwhelming……so I chatted him up again.

“Hello”, I chatted.

It was read with no response.

“Are you really sure that this is over?” I asked.

“Why are you chatting me? Please move on” he replied.

“Move on just like that? No fights, nothing? Just tell me what I did and I may just move on as you wish.” I chatted.

“Since you are forcing me to speak. Then I will say this: I broke up with you for these main reasons:

1.      You have added nothing to my life since we met.

2.      You are selfish and you are mainly so concerned about yourself.

So move on but we can be friends as I would want us to be since I have a younger sister myself and wouldn’t want anyone to do that to my sister too.” he stated.

I was utterly shocked at those statements. I started replaying different scenes in my head; I forwarded those messages to four of my friends and they were shocked at the words, adding that he probably meant it for someone else.

I felt hit by a stone, the words battered me and I just slept off.

 “I said those words based on my current mood which was wrong. Reflecting on those words I realized that you do not deserve any of those words I said. I want us to be good friends in such a way that we will see ourselves and be friends and not enemies. I do not want a relationship for now as I am still suffering from the guilt of the romance we had. I am also not ready to be committed to any relationship. Also stop sending me messages that will destabilize my mood. Let’s end this once and for all.” The chat dropped the following day.

“Bye” I replied.

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FEW MONTHS BACK……

“Hi Tolu, meet my friend. His name is Jide.” Rotimi introduced me to Jide for the first time at an event.

“Hi Jide. My name is Tolu, nice to meet you.” I said.

We exchanged numbers and commenced the building of a failed relationship.  I had used my human mind to believe every word and promises that followed suit. I gulped them like vitamins.

I believed. I believed wholeheartedly.

I had built my castle in the air and the wind scattered it.

What happened to my prince-charming?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

We finished the book launch event and I headed home. My landlady wasn’t outside and I just thanked God as I was too tired to be tied down with another conversation.

I opened the wraps of Moin-moin that I had brought and ate hungrily.

“How did I get it wrong?” I asked myself and suddenly lost appetite. The normal routine of the past months anytime the thoughts comes to mind.

“Am I cursed?”

“Another break up at this time?”

“Am I normal?”

“Has life decided to just treat me wrong?”

“Why is life so unfair?”

“What did I do wrong?’

“What would make a man who claimed to love me suddenly change all of a sudden?”

“How do I heal?”

“Can I ever trust again?”

I kept thinking without waiting for an answer. So, I began shedding tears knowing how much damaged I had been left.

I wanted this phase over and dusted and wouldn’t stop praying for God to heal and help me even though Prayer seems so heavy on my lips.

The effect of which I became so absent-minded and over sensitive to people around me.

I wasn’t myself, I was losing it and needed quick help!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

FEW MONTHS BACK

“I feel like kissing you.” I said and pushed his lips to mine. We kissed for long and embraced in the pool of romance.

“Can we stop this and not let it happen again? I am sorry I forced you to it.” I said.

“I should have been man enough to correct this.” He stated.

We had romance which we planned to end but we kept falling back in and that as he stated was part of the  reason for ending it.

I looked at the unfinished moin-moin in its wraps and the tears dropping on it. How did I do this to myself?

“How did I allow myself to be sweep away with the sweet lies I was fed it?”

“How do I get myself to trust again?”

“How did I allow myself as a Christian to fall for this?”

There was never a day I didn’t think about this. I quickly opened my laptop to find solace in work to get rid of the thoughts that had me leaner than I was.

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Are you heartbroken as depicted above? Have you been disappointed after trusting so much? Have your heart been so filled with hate and regrets? Did you meet someone you felt was right for you and alas all failed and it seems like you are back to square one?

Please wipe your tears! You cannot change the past but you can learn from it and rewrite your future. The regrets of past and mistakes doesn’t diminish your value. 

That someone doesn’t know your worth or value, doesn’t mean that you are not valuable. It takes a man of vision to know the worth of gold in its unrefined state.

Brush off the worries and tears and say to yourself,” God has my back!”.

Until then, be busy with doing what you love. Write down your goals and write steps to achieving it.  Be involved in what you enjoy doing, laugh at the jokes, read good books and hang out with friends who will uplift your spirit.

Watch out for the continuation of the story....

Please comment below and let me know what you think.