My Life In a Bit - (Part 1)

“You cooked and it got burnt. How could you? Your mates are in their husband’s houses with two or three kids and you’re here eating my food and yet ordinary jollof rice, you burnt. This house cannot contain the both of us. One of us must leave to give another’ space.” My mother said

Exactly the drama that unfolds if my mother’s other side took the positive side of her, she would shout and I would have to hide myself behind the door of our one room apartment to prevent myself from being seen by passers-by and neighbours. I usually hid my face in shame or sometimes wished that the ground would open and swallow me.

It was a tough battle, it got tougher when my younger sister got married before me. Maybe I would have endured John’s cheating behaviour or perhaps endured Ayo’s stingy nature. Or maybe I had been too harsh in my decision making. Maybe if I had overlooked the bad side of these two or any of my exes, perhaps I would have been miserably or happily married  and in my husband’s house to save myself from these constant nagging and reminder of what had begun to look like “curses” to me.

Men approached me but none of them appealed to me. I remembered giving Deji a chance but he had no plans for me. He wasn’t ready to settle down or so it appeared to me. I tried all my best to convinced him so we could settle down as advised my friends who wanted me to settle down and had plans of the aso ebi they’ll buy but it didn’t work out. I just wanted to be out of my mother’s house and away from the silly questions my aunts would throw at me.

My mother continued shouting about the burnt jollof and how she never wished or prayed that any of her daughters would stay with her in their late twenties. I quietly stepped out in shame and took a walk through the streets in my usual manner, deep in thoughts.

“Could it be that I had been too harsh in my decision towards my exes, would it have been different if I had exercised a little patience? Could I have managed their faults? Where is the God-sent man? Is God listening to any of my tears and cries? Was he deaf to my pleas? Could he just give me just anyone and I promised not to read any of his faults and just managed the faults like that? If I turned 30 would I be able to get anyone? Would my mother even allowed me stay in her house till that time? How I wished that my father was alive, perhaps my mother wouldn’t have been thus harsh and I would have been able to walk freely in the house with a peace of mind.?”

I have had to sit under the tree after work to pass away time just to escape the wrath of my mother. I would tip-toed, slid under the bedsheet and would be the first to wake and hurriedly step out of the house after an hurried bath. There were days my mother would be the sweetest of all and there were bad days as this. The good days were not predictable hence my being unable to know the days I could walk in and experience the peace in my house.

Words like, “How is your fiancé?” “when are you getting married”, “You don dey old o”, “You mean you don’t have anyone at your age and with all your beauty?”. These are words that cut like a knife and it’s mostly from close associates.

I have had to put a bold face to avoid all the silly questions nevertheless these questions still comes once in a while even in church and at my place of work.

I stopped attending my mother’s church when the pastor wouldn’t stop the business of matchmaking me with brothers in the church and constantly asking when I would tie the knot. My mother was pissed that I stopped attending her church but I stubbornly didn’t yield to her persuasive means of getting me to attend her church once again. I have had enough!

But luck smiled on me when I met Adams,  a man who seemed like the perfect gentleman for me. I was coming back from work that fateful day when Adams approached me, I was smitten by his fine stature and handsomeness. I gave out my number after that fateful day even though I didn’t want to. But there’s no time to waste anymore as my mother had started counting the days of my probation period.

Adams could be the answer to my prayers and I wasn’t about to allow any form of delay chase him away.

We started talking and I was full of joy, even amidst my mother’s nagging. I was joyous because deep in my mind, I knew all would end in no time, as my prince charming had come to stay and happily we will live.

We started talking and seeing each other. Even though Adams hadn’t mention anything about marriage, I was wishing he would mention this and had even made up my mind to ask if he didn’t. The frustrations at home were too much and had started draining all of my energy.  I didn’t want to cry myself to sleep about being so unlucky with men or tie myself with thoughts and worries of whether I had been cursed as almost all my friends had gotten married and living happily in their homes. I was also tired of buying others’ aso ebi and needed people to also rejoiced with me.

The relationship between Adams and I blossomed, he met my mother who was already beaming with happiness after seeing a man with me again.  My mother, siblings and aunts got fond of him as he was loveable.

The sweet relationship between Adams and I didn’t last long as I received the shock of my life. I got a call from an unknown number who warned me to leave her husband alone. To me, I felt wasn’t dating anyone’s husband till I discovered that Adams was married. I was heartbroken  and almost suicidal.

“How will I start another relationship again? What would I tell my mother if she stopped seeing Adams?” One thousand and one thoughts began to cross my mind. I was heartbroken. Totally heartbroken.

I kept to myself for days and wouldn’t talk to anyone even though I had to maintain a happy face at home to prevent my mother from noticing  or suspecting that Adams and I were no longer together. There were days I would wish a bus would just come and hit me and I would end my life.

I remembered calling Adams to tell him that I had forgiven him and that we could still continue our relationship. Was I mad? No! I just wanted Adams to keep up with the visit to my house even though I knew that he was married.

I became more depressed when Adams said “No” on the basis that he would love to be with his wife and make things work between them.

“But why woo me in the first place? Why raise my hopes when you knew you were married? God will punish you? Why give me hope when there’s none? What would I tell my mother and relatives who had grown fond of you and were expecting wedding invitation from us anytime soon?”

 I was livid! The shock came when Adams said he never promised me marriage neither did he mention that to me.

He reminded me that all he said was that he would like to be my friend. Oh men!

Friends and we were kissing? Friends and we had sex every other week? Friends and you were coming to my house and forming husband to be? How deceitful art thou!

I moved on still heartbroken and somehow my mother knew that something had happened.

I walked into the house one day and I saw my mother with an average height guy whose I face I recalled.

He was the guy my friend Lizzie introduced me to after the whole Adams issue happened. I wasn’t interested in the guy and didn’t know how he got my house address.

Obviously he had briefed my mother about his interest in me because my mother was grinning from ear and ear and the smell of a delicious food emanates from the kitchen. I sat down and my mother started speaking in her sweetest voice, I can’t remember the last time I heard her speak in such tone.

“This young man is here to see you and has been waiting for you. His name is Olufemi , he is a good and God fearing man”

God-fearing? How did my mother know about that?  After her words, she left the room for us and stepped into the kitchen unknowingly for me, my mother was eavesdropping on our conversation.

“I told you that  you should give me time. How did you know this place? who gave you my house’s address? Were you stalking me? Why come to into my house uninvited?” I said obviously annoyed at his boldness.

“Kemi, just give me a chance. Just a chance please. Why are you doing this to me?

“I did nothing to you. A little time to think and give you an answer is not too much now. Why come to my house without informing me?” I said.

“I am serious. I want you to be mine.”

“But I am not ready now.”

My mother walked in and asked to see me. I excused myself and we both left the room. We had not gone far before my mother held my shirt and pounced on me.

“Did I hear you say you are not ready? So when will you be ready? Your younger sisters are married. Is it when Bimbo finishes university and get married that you will think of settling down? This house can no longer contain both of us.  It is better you go in there and accept the man’s proposal or else it would be worse for you.”

My mother dragged me in and spoke to Olufemi, “Are you interested in her?” The young man was shocked with the question and hurriedly answered my mother with a positive reply.

“No problem. Just know that she’s precious to me. No game and long courting. Do you plan to marry her cos we are not here for the long relationship of getting to know each other.” My mother said.

Before I knew it, my mother had forced the young man on me and my opinion do not matter anymore. We started with the wedding plan in less than two months and were married in less than three months.

I was happy because I was free from my mother’s constant nagging yet I was fearful of the future with a guy I barely knew. The marital journey started………..

(Kindly comment below. Watch out for Part 2)